Bill Clinton
Reading some jokes now before starting my mugging....
A Bill Clinton Joke
Bill Clinton dies and goes to Hell. Of course, being who he is, he gets a V.I.P. reception, and is met at the gates of the Infernal City by the Dark Lord Himself. Satan shakes hands with his new citizen enthusiastically, and ushers Mr. Clinton through the gates.
"I've been preparing a special place for you, my faithful servant, but even I cannot best decide the manner in which you will spend eternity, so I will allow you to decide."
The Devil and Bill Clinton are walking down a hallway of fire, and as they approach a door on the left side of the hallway, they hear horrible screams of pain coming from behind the door. The Devil opens the door so that Slick Willy can see one of his possible fates and it's a sight to behold: Adolf Hitler, burning at the stake, although since this is Hell, this is the fire which burns but does not consume. Bill turns away in horror, and without a word being passed, the Dark Lord closes the door and relocks it, and the two once more set off down the hallway, with curtains of flame closing behind them.
Before very long, even more hideous screams are reaching their ears; nevertheless, it is still several minutes before they arrive at the second door. Once again, Satan produces a key, and Mr. Clinton takes one look into the room and starts shaking like a dog passing a pine cone, for this is what he saw: Josef Stalin, being tortured on the rack by 6 demons. His limbs have been grotesquely distorted beyond all human dimensions, but no bones have yet been broken, nor will they be, for the torturers in Satan's service are quite skilled. Once again, the Dark Lord knows to shut the door and proceed onward . . . and once again, the flames close in, forcing them down the hallway towards the last door.
Barely have Stalin's screams begun to fade when an even worse sound becomes audible; shrieks of torment that would make a Spanish Inquisitor smile with professional pride at a job well done. With a flourish, Satan flings open the third door, and this is what Bill Clinton saw: Kenneth Starr, naked and bound to a cross, with Monica Lewinsky kneeling before him, doing what she does best. Well, as you may have guessed, Clinton's eyes light up like a kid's on Christmas. "This is the place!", he cries, turning to the Dark Lord with an expression of hope on his face.
"Are you certain this is how you wish to spend eternity?" the Dark Lord asks, with an evil sidelong glance.
"Absolutely! I'll still be in Hell, but some parts of it ain't so bad", the former President replies.
Satan claps his hands, and his Executive Assistant appears, with all the appropriate paperwork already filled out . . . needing only the condemned's signature. "Sign here", says Satan. Clinton signs, and hands the paper back to Satan, who hands it to his secretary. With a clap of thunder, the lesser demon dissappears.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment", the Devil said, "I'll make arrangements for the two of you to be alone."
And with that, Satan walks up to Ms. Lewinsky and leans down to whisper quietly: "I've got good news for you, kid. Your replacement is here and you're free to go."
A Bill Clinton Joke
Bill Clinton dies and goes to Hell. Of course, being who he is, he gets a V.I.P. reception, and is met at the gates of the Infernal City by the Dark Lord Himself. Satan shakes hands with his new citizen enthusiastically, and ushers Mr. Clinton through the gates.
"I've been preparing a special place for you, my faithful servant, but even I cannot best decide the manner in which you will spend eternity, so I will allow you to decide."
The Devil and Bill Clinton are walking down a hallway of fire, and as they approach a door on the left side of the hallway, they hear horrible screams of pain coming from behind the door. The Devil opens the door so that Slick Willy can see one of his possible fates and it's a sight to behold: Adolf Hitler, burning at the stake, although since this is Hell, this is the fire which burns but does not consume. Bill turns away in horror, and without a word being passed, the Dark Lord closes the door and relocks it, and the two once more set off down the hallway, with curtains of flame closing behind them.
Before very long, even more hideous screams are reaching their ears; nevertheless, it is still several minutes before they arrive at the second door. Once again, Satan produces a key, and Mr. Clinton takes one look into the room and starts shaking like a dog passing a pine cone, for this is what he saw: Josef Stalin, being tortured on the rack by 6 demons. His limbs have been grotesquely distorted beyond all human dimensions, but no bones have yet been broken, nor will they be, for the torturers in Satan's service are quite skilled. Once again, the Dark Lord knows to shut the door and proceed onward . . . and once again, the flames close in, forcing them down the hallway towards the last door.
Barely have Stalin's screams begun to fade when an even worse sound becomes audible; shrieks of torment that would make a Spanish Inquisitor smile with professional pride at a job well done. With a flourish, Satan flings open the third door, and this is what Bill Clinton saw: Kenneth Starr, naked and bound to a cross, with Monica Lewinsky kneeling before him, doing what she does best. Well, as you may have guessed, Clinton's eyes light up like a kid's on Christmas. "This is the place!", he cries, turning to the Dark Lord with an expression of hope on his face.
"Are you certain this is how you wish to spend eternity?" the Dark Lord asks, with an evil sidelong glance.
"Absolutely! I'll still be in Hell, but some parts of it ain't so bad", the former President replies.
Satan claps his hands, and his Executive Assistant appears, with all the appropriate paperwork already filled out . . . needing only the condemned's signature. "Sign here", says Satan. Clinton signs, and hands the paper back to Satan, who hands it to his secretary. With a clap of thunder, the lesser demon dissappears.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment", the Devil said, "I'll make arrangements for the two of you to be alone."
And with that, Satan walks up to Ms. Lewinsky and leans down to whisper quietly: "I've got good news for you, kid. Your replacement is here and you're free to go."
posted by BOO! @ 7:57 PM
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