Some lame jokes....
Number 1:
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Number 2:
A couple of Tennessee hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Number 3:
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the theater, followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh; she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap… and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed. Everything had been incredible. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Number 2:
A couple of Tennessee hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Number 3:
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the theater, followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh; she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap… and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed. Everything had been incredible. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
posted by BOO! @ 7:31 PM
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